This One’s Twitching.

So, today was horrifying. I use that word a lot. I think it’s because when I think of how to best describe that sickening feeling I carry inside every day, that’s the word that always finds its way to me. And because I can’t possibly explain the reasons for it at this late hour (lest I relive it), let’s focus on that word rather than the horror itself, shall we? Just for funsies.

Game show host: ‘For the win, correctly answer the following: ‘Describe that feeling deep inside that you wake up with each day when you realize where you are, and what your life has become.’
Me: (whispering)…um, horrifying?
Game show host: You’ll have to speak up louder than that for our studio audience and for our viewers at home, Wife!
Me: (yelling, with mic feedback) HORRIFYING?!
Game show host: Correct! Congratulations. You’re the winner of…wait, that can’t be right. (Confers with a producer while covering his mic with his hand) Well, it seems you win a lifetime supply of misery. Congratulations!
Me: (awkwardly) Wait. Um…what?
Awkward silence. Scattered claps from the studio audience. Someone coughs. Fade out.

During a violent storm raging on the sea, me and the babies cling to each other in a lifeboat. The S.S. HorrorShow is beginning to pull away. I yell out ‘Honey, how can you just leave us here like this?’ Captain Honey yells back ‘What? I said I would put money into your account every Friday.’’ And he accelerates away.

The horrific gifts from Honey’s abandonment just keep coming. Like those half-dead mice the cat leaves on your doorstep every morning. At least the CAT means well.
Monday: (sighing) Oh, look, another one. Aw, thanks kittenhead! But no more dead mice. Really.
Tuesday: Oh, wow. Good morning, blood stained doormat.
Wednesday: Oh God. This one’s twitching.
Thursday: Really, that’s enough. I’m good. I’m all set.
Friday: Good morning, beautiful world! It’s going to be a beau…what? What the? DAMNIT!!
Saturday: I can’t even.
Sunday: (sighing heavily) You know, maybe this will be the last day of the horror. Oh, nope. Yep. That’s entrails right there.

Aaaand that’s my life.

Categories: Uncategorized

1 reply »

  1. Please read Chump Lady blog. Those people have been dealing with the same things. Start at the beginning because by the end you will get why your husband acts the way he does. He sounds scary.


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