Rage fuel: it’s your friend.

Greetings, Dear Readers! Why Is Everything Capitalized Right Here? No Idea.

I want to tell you a little story on this fine Wednesday morning that, were it to reach only one reader, would be worth taking the time to tell.

In 6 weeks’ time, I will have my bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice Administration. My area of focus is Cybercrimes. I am 42 years old.

It has taken 3 ½ years of late nights at the couch with my laptop as the babies slept. Cram sessions while making waffles and wiping sticky faces. Volunteering at my children’s school after 4 hours of sleep. Going to work, running errands, and driving kids to practice on mental and physical fumes after a night of writing papers, doing endless research for said papers, and eating tostadas at extremely undignified hours.

I will be the first to admit that in the early days after Honey pulled his disappearing act, I was angry. No, that’s not accurate. Angry doesn’t even begin to cover it. I was balls-to-the-wall infuriated. The feeling of anger within the human body is a strange and potentially dangerous thing. It compels you to action, but…what action?

There are choices we can make in anger that either compel us towards a better life, or towards prison. Burning things on someone’s lawn is still against the law, so far as I know. Honey is lucky he fled the scene so quickly. My initial ‘wait, come back!’ posture only took a couple of days to morph into rage. His headlights and windshield were saved a violent end, to be sure. I was out of my mind back then, and not myself. Rage DOES things to an otherwise sane and prudent person. It lies to you, tells you you’re justified in bending his antennae until it snaps the hell OFF. In reality, when the anger fog clears, what are we left with? Regret.

I knew early on that no matter how much I wanted to buy a plane ticket, knock on Honey’s door, and kick him square in his cash and prizes, that this would accomplish nothing in the realm of propelling the babies and I towards a better life. It’s chaff in the wind at best and fodder for arrest at worst. Give me something I can DO with this anger.

In my case, I let it propel me towards taking on the task of getting my education. I was inspired by a dear friend I met in the divorce support group that I now help to teach. She and I had oddly similar situations, and I watched in awe as she enrolled in school while parenting 3 boys alone and working full time. She was nothing short of a badass. Her example helped to dissolve all of my excuses away, and I enrolled.

It has been hard. There have been times I wanted to quit. I cried more than once while alone at 2am eating said tostadas.

But what, then, would all of this excellent rage fuel have been used for?

In addition to being inspired by my friend, I also found an excellent motto early on that solidified my resolve on those nights when I wanted to chuck my laptop out onto the lawn and finally just get some damn sleep.


When the anger fog clears, what is it that you want to be left standing with? Find a way to tap into the sweet nectar that is rage fuel. Identify the direction of your goal. Harness that sucker like a wild bronco and ride that beast into the sunset toward your awesome new life that has nothing to do with the disordered human being in your rear-view mirror.




15 replies »

  1. Good for you Girl! CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE MIGHTY! 🙂

    I hope you repost this entire message on the forums on ChumpLady to help other struggling chumps become empowered to gain an amazing, cheater free life!

    Cheering you on! YOU are BADASS TOO! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. HUGE congratulations are in order!! So proud of you and so inspired by you (in school myself). You absolutely rock!!!!! You are building an amazing life (along with a phenomenal play structure, might I add), you are an unbelievably good mother, and you are thriving. That’s a whole lot of reasons to be proud of yourself. I know it’s been nothing short of brutal, but you have risen out of the ashes, which is downright transformational!! I know you would give much credit to the good Lord above and to Chumplady(dotcom) down here in the trenches, but you–of the blood, sweat, tears, and tostadas–get to own it too! Many, many congratulations going out to you on your upcoming graduation!!
    -a former divorce group classmate

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow that is wonderful. Congratulations – you go girl. I have read your blog from the beginning and you write beautifully. If only Honey realized what he lost (I think he will one day). And well done for using that anger as fuel for the positive. As they say, living well is the best revenge.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I just discovered your blog via chump lady and I am in awe of your mightiness! Congratulations on your degree. Great job! Your babies are so lucky to have you as the sane, stable parent. I’m stilly trying to figure out how to channel my anger into something grand. Although while writing my latest book my ex did inspire a certain character. Never has that “any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental” disclaimer been so important.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, thank you CIT!! You’re far more mighty than you realize…you’re writing books?! I’d say that qualifies as something grand! I would love to write books, but lack the time (can’t imagine why). How did you get into that? Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement, my fellow chump!


      • I’ve actually been writing for 15 years. I’m a romance novelist, and I will say that in the last three years since D-Day the creative well hasn’t exactly been overflowing! But I’ve pulled myself out of the muck far enough to complete 2 books in the past 3 years, and I’m working on a new one now. Onward and upward!


  5. WOOHOO! You are terrific and what a fantastic role model for your kiddos. My mom went back to school with three little children (a 100 years ago). Much of what I know about studying and work ethic I learned from her. She use to take us to the library (no internet back then) while she did her research papers.
    Make sure you take pictures with you in your cap and gown with your kiddos for later. I wish I could be there to celebrate you — but know that all your readers are there in spirit.
    And cybersecurity — how cool and current is that? Great luck to you in the future.


  6. My Dear Dear Friend – Honey. I am so very proud of you and all you are accomplishing. It is yours and nobody can ever take that away from you. You are beyond amazing!!! And I know that our meeting was a divine appointment with every bit of my being. God has blessed me with your friendship and love. But remember, this is merely the the beginning, there is more, and it will be better than you can imagine. 14 years from now, you’ll look back at everything and say “Damn! I did good!!!”

    Maybe the best revenge is a life well lived!

    Liked by 1 person

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