Cemetery Plots, Half-Off!

So, I recently learned that H-Dub’s mother got some new stickers for her truck. You know those stick figure family ones? Well these were just like those, but they were ‘Grandma’s Angels’. Wait, I’m sorry. ‘Grandma’s. Angels’. We must include that uninvited period.

grandmas angels

Apparently, that’s my son in the green shirt and my daughter in the orange dress. This would be sweet and endearing in some parallel universe, were she not the mother of the heartless harpy known as H-Dubs.

And, were this not the woman who wrote ‘string the bitch up!‘ on FaceBook about me so long ago. Yet, this is the same woman who has 9,684 God-loving, family-adoring, military-supporting, shelter-animal-rescuing FaceBook posts. I guess being two-faced runs in the family, like that weird longer middle toe thing.

And my children, who she’s never met? The ones that now have one parent instead of two in this state thanks to her daughter? They’re her grandchildren, y’all.

There’s no shame among any of them. Honey, HomeWrecker, and HomeWrecker’s mom all believe they have not done a thing wrong. They are in-your-face, defiant, and not a damn bit sorry.

They are SO not sorry, in fact, that they’ve decided that the mere inclusion of my children on some Christmas tree ornaments, in some tacky collages posted on FaceBook, and on some stickers on a truck somehow qualify them as being members of my children’s family.

I mean, not that my babies will ever feel that inclusion. It’s all for show. And believe me, that is perfectly fine with me. What is not fine with me is the insinuation into a position of familiarity that they did nothing to earn, and their fervent desire to normalize all of this through their continuous efforts to rewrite history.

But…just how far are they willing to go to make others believe this is all one big happy (separated-by-thousands-of-miles) family?

Bev tattoo of names

Oh. That far. I see.

Yes, that is a tattoo. No, I don’t know if it’s real or if it’s temporary, but I’m guessing it’s real based on other recent tattoos. All I know is that if it is, my children’s names are TATTOOED ON HER ARM. FOREVER.

And that started me thinking about the gullibility that it would have taken on their parts to believe the narrative Honey waltzed into town with. For them to accept him with such open arms, it’s likely that I’ve been painted a Nazi sympathizer, a disemboweler of kittens, and a blood-thirsty viceroy attempting to stop all trade shipments to Naboo. Because really, unless I am the devil incarnate in his campfire tales, on what planet could these human beings possibly think that what he did was ok?

Now believe me when I say that I’m NOT one to sit in judgment about being gullible where Honey is concerned. I believed him to an absolute fault, largely because he was so very skilled at hiding his secret life from me. But…you can’t just lie about being fresh off the boat from leaving a wife and two babies in diapers. So how exactly did he convince them that walking out and never looking back somehow didn’t make him a family-abandoning douche-canoe? Nay…that it made him marriage material?

I don’t actually know that they needed any convincing. I think that perhaps that kind of behavior had been normalized for them already. They have shown that their standard is not exactly high. Any sane woman should have taken one look at a man who left his two babies cross-country in his rear-view mirror and kicked him squarely in his cash and prizes.

Not H-Dubs. His fatherhood was an aphrodisiac, not a deterrent. That he abandoned them to a life without that father and without financial support is really no business of hers. She just saw what she wanted to see, and dubbed it a gift sent straight from heaven.

I guess it could have been, if heaven was passing out a lazy, Call Of Duty-addicted man-child with a penchant for deleting browser history.

And her mom just hopped right aboard the S.S. Sh** Show without a second thought, too. Now she thinks the words he uttered in front of judge (for a third time) about ‘forever’ and ‘in sickness and in health’ have made it a safe bet to sear his children’s names into her flesh. That they have ignored every single red flag, ignored my attempt to give them a heads up (a mistake I made once and never tried again), and are forcibly jamming the happy family narrative down the pie holes of the rest of the world makes me think perhaps I’ve been going about this all wrong.

These are some extremely gullible human beings. I could be making a killing off these people.

Perhaps, what I should be doing is trying to sell them half-off burial plots in the lost city of Atlantis. Or impersonating a Prince from Nigeria who really needs to unload $800,000 U.S. dollars so that he can access his family fortune. I could offer them a real nice timeshare deal I heard about in Narnia. Do you think they’d give me $250 for a Neiman Marcus cookie recipe if I asked just right? And because they excrete awesomeness, I want to share my lottery winnings with them – I just need them to send me their banking pin number, and I’ll handle the rest.

I’ll make a killing!

Alas, these tactics would never work on any of my readers. They’re too smart for any of that. However, I hope it’s not too much to ask for you to forward this to ten people to help me get my badly-needed eye transplant (MicroSoft has promised a penny for every forward!). And of course, I think it’s only fair to tell you that if you don’t share this blog on FaceBook at least 17 times in the next 20 hours that you’ll be responsible for the death of my Pekingese, the Illuminati pilfering and disseminating my secret family meatloaf recipe, and my slow descent into madness. Just sayin’.

Gullible Quote

Cheers! – Ex-Wife.

 

 

9 thoughts on “Cemetery Plots, Half-Off!

  1. I find Facebook is the revisionist history of those that desperately want to image craft a fantasy into a reality. It usually reflects the exact opposite of what’s really going down. The more my ex’s new gal felt threatened by his stalking and crying over my social media, the more furiously she posted “look at us WE’RE SO HAPPY” pics of the two of them.
    I knew due the the sheer volume of unanswered texts and phone calls he was blasting me with that he didn’t have much time for ardent love sessions and romantic dinners- unless he spent the entire time on his phone. Then again, that sounds just like him.
    The affair partner in my case spent lots of time making sure she exposed her kids and family to my ex- slowly ingratiating him into her life- so much so that our own kids were like “who in the hell are these strange children sending Dad videos and wishes on Facebook?” They laughed at him and the almost comical audacity of the boldness and cluelessness of it all.
    Now she has him full time! And boy, when the reality of that bomb went off it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow, I love the term ‘image crafting’! When you see it on FB, you just know. There’s just something outlandish about the effort going into it all. It’s like a living resume that’s exaggerated to make someone look better. Special skills: can snatch a fly out of the air with chopsticks! Check out me in this Chinese restaurant smiling with the wait staff! And now look at me with my cute hat and scarf on because it’s cold! Here’s me with cleavage again! Look, guys! Loooook!!!

      It’s just like my 5 year old asking me to watch him eat a bite of pancake. I got it, buddy. Yes, that’s awesome. No, I don’t want to see you do it again, I know you can take bites like a big boy. Yes, I love you too buddy. Yep, you’re right, that bite was bigger this time. Ooooookkkkk, mommy’s gonna go grab her coff…yes, I saw that too. But on Facebook. And they’re grown adults.

      I’m so sorry the affair partner was an image crafter, but you’re right. The bloom will be off the rose when the reality hits home. And what is it with men and their damn phones?! It makes me crazy! Ooooo, I sounded like Seinfeld in my head when I re-read that.

      Like

    • You are so awesome to think of us! Thank you for your concern. I’ve gone radio silent for a while because I’m in trauma/crisis mode. Honey hired a lawyer and is trying to get custody of the kids. It’s about wanting to pay less child support, not the best interest of the children, he all but admitted it. I’ve been shell-shocked for weeks and have spent my free time preparing for this and/or living in total denial that it’s happening. So, yep. That’s happening…

      Like

      • Oops! Didn’t finish.

        I can’t believe he has a chance in Hell of getting custody. He walked away from them and has seen them, what, once in a one year period? You’ve been not only their primary caregiver but also their ONLY caregiver! Plus, mediators and judges are supposed to be good at sussing out people like him who want custody to avoid paying support.

        I’m so sorry he’s pulling this crap. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

        Like

  2. That sucks. I hope you have an attorney who can point out to the court that your EX can’t be bothered to pay child support but can hire an attorney? CA is pretty tough on move aways, so I think you will be fine. I will keep you in our thoughts.

    Does he have to show up for a trial/hearing? If so, I so would look at talking to Child support enforcement people to see about whether he owes enough to be arrested. Check with your attorney first.

    Liked by 1 person

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