Filtered Messages.

Dear HomeWrecker,

Did you know there’s a folder inside of Facebook Messenger entitled ‘Filtered Requests’? First, you have to go to ‘People’, then inside of the ‘Message Requests’ folder there, you have to click on ‘Filtered Requests’. I had no idea such a sub-folder existed until April 25th of 2017. On that day, my thumb or finger or some combination thereof somehow tapped the correct buttons in the correct sequence as I grabbed my phone from my pocket. Concealed right under my nose on a phone that I touch every day were some very old and very revealing unread messages from you.

3 years, 2 months and 4 days after my husband walked out on me with zero warning, traumatizing me and our children in ways that I struggle to put words to even today, the universe saw fit to let me see those messages. In them, you claim to be trying to give me a ‘heads up’ that you had been sleeping with my husband. I finally understand why you’ve been making assertions that I ‘knew’. You assumed I got your messages. I did not.

Just a thought here, but if I were to send a series of messages to a woman with 2 little babies at home telling her I’d been secretly having sex with her spouse, I’d be pretty surprised by a lack of response. But here’s the thing: you weren’t. Or more to the point, you didn’t care if there was a response or not, because those messages were never about my well-being. They were for you. Your intent was not to alert me to the affair out of some benevolence on your part. It was to force the truth to come out, leaving Honey to have to choose between us.

And frankly, anyone who knows anything about horse racing would wisely bet on ‘Fresh New Sparkly Stripper Sex’, for the win, because ‘Post-Partum Stay at Home Mom in Yoga Pants with Baby Puke in Her Hair’ has much lower odds to place. You took a gamble that using me as leverage would pay off for you. Then, you took another gamble on the Night of 1,000 Horrors and faked a pregnancy scare once you realized things might not go your way.

You rigged the game. You CHEATED ON TOP OF CHEATING. And by the way, gambling with other people’s lives doesn’t make you edgy. It makes you disgraceful.

Pretty sure my theory about you trying to ‘win’ is correct, because as I read through the messages, I noticed you’d tried to send different variations of the same ‘heads up’ three separate times. Twice before Honey came home from working on the road, and again during the Night of 1,000 Horrors.

And since we’ve all read ahead in the saga, we know you ended up marrying this man, so it doesn’t exactly sound like you were morally outraged by his choice to intentionally keep me in the dark. I’m sure things will work out for you, though. I mean, you’re his REAL true love and he would never do such horrific things to you because you’re special and different from the rest of us mere mortals.

So, as I’m prone to do, I’m gonna take a look-see at these messages and dissect them in all their slimy glory. Gonna need my hip-waders for this one…

1st attempt: January 16th, 2014:

Final Stupid Woman

Stupid? No. A stupid woman spends way too much on a handbag. A woman who knowingly destroys the life of another woman and her two toddlers? That is…something else. Something requiring a whole ‘nother lexicon of vocabulary words, not the LEAST of which is ‘stupid’.


He prefers to go on tricking you into investing years of your life with him, you see. And I’m just here as the well-meaning intercessor to help you make an INFORMED DECISION. Go ahead. Ask me anything. I’d love to grind salt into the wound I’ve just opened by providing whatever detail that might do the trick to GET YOU TO LEAVE HIM.

I’m leaving him to incite drama and create a triangulation where you will now hate him, and he will have to chase me. I really like it when men chase me. I have no intention of actually going anywhere.


He’s coming home to you or something I guess. Whatever. Pfffft.

Well, that would be a reasonable guess since I was his WIFE. Should he be going home to his pterodactyl? What other guesses are reasonable, given the fact that he was married?

2nd attempt: 2/5/14


So very thoughtful of you to think about what you’d want to be done for you, were you on the receiving end of this. Let me jot this down: You would want the home-wrecker to detail their profoundly inappropriate actions…and then announce indifference at the chosen manner of your response. Got it.

Also so glad to hear that what I choose to do about my husband’s affair is my business. For a moment there, I thought you were going to interfere with yet another facet of my life and decide the appropriate level of moral outrage for me. Real big of ya to let me figure that one out on my own.

FINAL MY HEARTBREAK Well, I knew nothing of you. I found out who you were you on FaceBook after Honey refused to come clean about anything and then bolting out of town. How nice to have had the luxury of all that INFORMATION.

Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear your heart is breaking. Let me grab you a tiss- wait a minute. Did you just…solicit sympathy from me? This cannot be real life.


FINAL STAYED WITH MY KIDS You let a strange man you’d just met in a bar and who you knew was married stay with you and your small children IN YOUR HOME? What in the hell is the matter with you, woman? Are you insane?

And you were SO sorry, in fact, that you went on to repeatedly encourage him to leave me on the night of 1,000 horrors, make fun of me on Facebook shortly thereafter, and later marry him. You ARE sorry, just not in the way that meant.

Attempt #3: February 22nd, 2014: The night of 1,000 horrors…


I’ve erased everything…but not before documenting every horrifying selfy and love note for you because I really CARE about you, Wife. (p.s. which of these poems or love letters will get you to leave him? Oh, never mind, here’s all of them!)

There were literally, like, 15  more pages of texts and emails and love notes he’d written her, but I have spared this audience of having to wade through them all as I did…


there was someone else…

It sounds like her patience is wearing thin. She REALLY wants me to know there was ‘someone else’.

Why aren’t I hearing her and kicking him out yet? Hurry up and get pissed and send him packing back to me already, Wife! Geez.

The Galleria of Horror: she attaches my husband’s love letters, emails, and pics of our children that he’d sent her.

Final Rabbit Stew

Pics of my spouse and children, and then:

‘I have plenty of videos from your house too.’

You don’t say.

Is one of them of my kitchen so you can get a feel for where I keep my large pots? Because nothing says ‘you’ll soon be enjoying some of my delicious rabbit stew’ like the words you just wrote here.

It’s even more enjoyable and creepy when I imagine you whispering it…

Final Move Mountains A love sonnet, by Honey…

I will give you my soul! I will give you my heart! But I can’t give you fidelity, because I’m not actually sure what that word means. Are fidelities those little tassle-thingies that strippers wear on-stage? No? Then no, I legitimately do not know what fidelity means.

I’m sure we won’t need it though, whatever it is. We have the feels!

Final Pretty Lady Some of us will never get that one moment that confirms our worst fears about the monstrous characters of our exes. We suspect there’s something seriously wrong with them, but often lack that one thing that convinces us without a shadow of a doubt.

I am lucky to not have that problem.

The mystery of whether or not my ex-husband actually is a narcissistic sociopath is answered definitively in the repugnant email to your left.

Co-opting the innocent and trusting nature of your child (that you will soon abandon) to impress your mistress while your trusting wife is a few feet away cooking your dinner? Nope, nothing morally bankrupt  or creepy about that whatsoever…

Final Holding Baby My spouse with my 1 year old daughter, posing her for the camera to show his mistress. He promptly plopped her down in front of the TV as soon as he was done. How would I know this? I was watching him from the next room, wondering innocently who he was sending the all the daddy-brag pics to, while simultaneously feeling frustrated that he was only paying attention to the children for pictures. Stupid, stupid me…ugggg
Final Prolly Preg Sigh. Preg? Really? Is possible pregnancy with a married man’s baby something you should toss around as carelessly as a toddler wielding a gun? Is this just a typical Tuesday afternoon for you, then? Gonna have me some Pep and wreck a fam and watch me some Pov. Oh right, better make it a Diet Pep because I may be PREG…

How about this abbreviation? WRECKER. Now that’s an abbreviation I can get on board with.

And why on earth don’t you KNOW if you’re pregnant at 6 days late? You do know they make tests that can tell you if you are even before you’ve missed your period, right? The fact is, you’re just a liar, and a very bad one at that. If you wonder how I believe this to be the oldest man-trap in the book, I refer you to some light reading:



Final Guess You Know Oooo! Ooo! I won? What’d I win? Is it bigger than a breadbox?

As it turns out, my prize was the only thing Honey gave me of any value: my freedom. The nonsense he pulled was one hell of a way to give me that reward, after a I’d demonstrated a lifetime of work and investment and love and care to him. But I can’t argue that the end result of freedom was (almost) worth it.

But aside from all that, I must say that as far as dramatic soap opera cliff-hangers go, HomeWrecker absolutely nailed it.

Guess u know…




dramatic gopher

Final Enjoy Fixing First Sentence: I’m here to help you by telling you all this, Wife! Really! No, really!

Second Sentence: (thinks she may not get her way) Flips immediately to angry sarcasm.

Third Sentence: Defiant, unapologetic, in your face crazy-town.

H Dubs, may we huddle up for a sec? Listen. I don’t know how to break this to you without sounding less than kind, but…I think you have been watching WAAAAAAY too many Telenovelas. Put down the remote control and back away slowly. Nobody’s trying to thwart your right to keep your imaginary star-crossed lovechild. This is not an episode of Maria la del Barrio. Or is it?!

Final Ruin Your Life How DARE you try to go to counseling with your spouse of 14 years and the mother of your children! You are ruining your life by trying to act like an honorable man, because that’s not who you are! Those other lives (wife, kids) are IRRELEVANT in the centrally-themed soap opera that I want you to believe you star in! It’s all about you, Honey. And my definition of loveless. Oh, and me. Lots and lots of me.

I’m so glad that H Dubs was trying to help me again. She’s so thoughtful like that!


This concludes our program for today, ladies and gentlemen. Will Don Fernando and Guadalupe keep the baby? Will Senor Caro be able to teach Maria to act like a lady? Will Thalia and Fernando betray Maria once again for true love?! Please tune it next time to find out…

judges you in spanish eats shrimp in spanish kills you in spanish





Telenovela Credit:

‘Maria la Del Barrio’ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mar%C3%ADa_la_del_Barrio

7 replies »

  1. How terribly painful for you to stumble upon those messages. Hugs. But they totally deserve each other. Losers both of them.

    I hope you are doing OK. And that you and your babies are having a good summer.

    Have things calmed down on the legal front? Has he stopped with the nonsense and started paying up?

    I was rereading some old chump lady posts (it has been that kind of week) and saw where you mentioned that he is a welder. Does your attorney know how in demand welders are? It seems to me, should you have to go back to court, that your attorney could use this information:


    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Alice! Yes, our summer has been wall to wall fun and swimming and karate lessons and I’m getting pretty exhausted! On the legal front, all is calm and no, he has not come out for re-unification therapy. That was the condition of starting any kind of normal visitation. He took me to court to get an order that he either can’t or won’t follow. Thanks, Honey! I was really hoping to set thousands of dollars on fire for a lawyer so you could just throw that order on the floorboard of your truck and forget about it. But get this – I am getting child support here and there for the first time in years, because GARNISHMENT. Thank God for garnishment, that’s all I can say! You are wonderful to ask, Alice, hope all is awesome and MEH in your world!


  2. What a piece of trash the homewrecker is. You know, in hindsight, it may be best that you didn’t get those messages at the time. I am convinced (and I tell my poor daughter who is devastated), that we digest as much at one time as we can. Perhaps at the time it would’ve been too much.

    “I’m leaving him to incite drama and create a triangulation where you will now hate him, and he will have to chase me. I really like it when men chase me. I have no intention of actually going anywhere.”

    Perfect analysis. It tends to help mentally when we can see an action for what it really is. You summed it exactly. She is a tacky whore.

    “Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear your heart is breaking. Let me grab you a tiss- wait a minute. Did you just…solicit sympathy from me? This cannot be real life.”

    Can you believe the gall? How your ex-husband sums up sociopath with that photo/video in your living room of your kid, this solicited sympathy sums of the homewrecker as a massive taker. Not that we don’t already know that of strippers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You read my mind. I have said many times since finding these messages that I was so grateful they were not found around the time he left. It would have fried my main circuit board. WAY too much for my fragile mind back then. But the funny thing is, the day I discovered these back in April, yes it impacted me but not as much as I would have thought. I read them, sent a text to some friends about it, and then wrote up a dinner menu at my desk 5 minutes later. It was kind of like ‘Ok, I’ve suspected he was a monster, and I suspected she knew everything, didn’t care, and interfered – all this did was confirm what I already knew in my heart to be true.’ This was so eye-opening to me, because it helped me see how far I’ve come in my healing, and made me realize I’m on my way to the promised land of MEH (the place you get to when you no longer care). Thanks for reading! Best to you.


  3. Does Honey have Arthritis, with all that weakness in the knees…

    I actually think that getting to those messages now rather than at that time, is better because it would have clutter the mess further. Now, you are at a distance and can revel in their mutual assholery.

    I think it is horrible for your husband to share pictures of his children with his slut. He shared his dick, that should be enough.

    Hats off to you for raising, and continuing to raise such young children, all on your own, and processing the rude shock of his vile betrayal.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. What a bitch! She’s just pure trash and you are absolutely correct when you say this was all a ploy to get him to pick her and for you to toss his ass out. You know who they both are, Ex-Wife. Believe them when they show you. And can I just say how absolutely vile I think your ex is to show pictures of his children to that home wrecking piece of trash?

    I remember asking CF after I found out about the emotional affair if he had talked to Harley about our kids. “Well, of course I did. They’re a very important part of my life so I was going to talk about them.” Yes, we see how important they were to him in the long run. What kind of a woman sees this, sees those innocent faces or hears about their lives and everything they have going on and says, “Yeah, that’s nice but I want your daddy so I’m going to take him and I don’t give a crap what happens to you.”?

    Liked by 1 person

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