Tit for Tat

It’s been a while since I’ve passive-aggressively heard from HomeWrecker on FaceBook, so I thought I’d finally gather up her greatest hits and have a go at her in my own passive-aggressive anonymous blog post. She’s gone dark for some time, aware that I’d been observing her page (and calling me pathetic in one post for doing so).

She can call me by whatever name she wants. I’ve already lived through the worst. What can she do now, take away my birthday?

First of all, I will look until I no longer desire to look (and that day is rapidly approaching, I can tell). Secondly, I have been able to document a large number of things for use in any child custody or child support cases I may have in the future. Honey bought you a ring? Got himself a new Iphone? You guys went on an expensive trip? You adopted a dog and bought him every piece of dog paraphernalia under the sun? How special. Now let me inform the court, who may not appreciate that given that he’s $21,980 behind in his child support. As Chump Lady advocates, when there are kids involved, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.

I know the next step (with regard to looking at FB) is to close the door, bolt it, weld it, and never open it again, because this human being deserves not ONE more square foot of my valuable mental real estate. Slowly, one foot in front of the other, I’m getting there.

But before we usher in a new era of healing and positivity, let’s take a final look at HomeWrecker’s tits, shall we? Well, you know what I mean.

TIT TAT
STALKER STALKING YOU
What’s up, H Dubs? Here are some of the things I’ve learned about you this year during my…research. First, you can’t spell your way out of a paper bag. Second, no one will be knocking on your door to award you the Field’s Medal any time soon. Third, my anger towards you is now almost exclusively on behalf of my kids, because you did me a real solid by taking a degenerate like Honey off my hands. And fourth, you are utterly oblivious to your own flaming hypocrisy. Sadly, I think I may have joined you in this category by writing this snarky blog post. Moving on…

 

STATUS STUPID
Uh…….come again? You’re going to do what to me before you’ll date me? Nice to meet you, but…I gotta thing, I gotta go…

 

IMG_2845 FEEL ANGER
Are there any extremely sensitive medical diagnoses you’d like to share with the world? Perhaps a shot of a weird growth on your nethers? How about displaying a video of a drunk family member crying over the loss of their spouse? Dig deep, HomeWrecker. I know you can go full inappropes.

 

so pissed YODA
Butt-hurt you appear to be. Cry like a baby you should.

 

ANGRY AGAIN DRAMA
That’s my girl! You went full inappropes. So proud.

 

SNEAKY FACEPALM
It really can’t.

 

REAL MEN facepalm
I literally can’t even.

 

cheating meme NO POINTS
I’m ‘gonna realize’ when you explain what the hell that nonsensical string of thoughts is supposed to mean coming from you. Is there a secret club I have to belong to in order to understand this? Will there be decoder rings, or at least punch and cake at the meetings? Because if there’s no punch and cake, I’m not goin’.

 

GOALS TEAMWORK
Exactly! Like when you accidentally on purpose get pregnant with a third baby from a third father as if you don’t know what birth control is. You know. Teamwork.

 

NOT MY FAULT NARC BIRD
Yes, HomeWrecker. The cause of my problems is a nebulous, philosophical one… not a real live narcissistic stripper grinding on my husband’s cash and prizes, but rather, a ‘notion’ that enslaves me to victim-hood. Perhaps you could do a flyover, narcissist bird, shit on everything I love, and then hand me the dry-cleaning bill.

 

CHIPS gluttony
Enticement of man’s baser instincts clearly makes you piss excellence, and everyone wants in on it. According to your ho-worker, ‘Even the bitches!’ Aaaaand I weep for future generations.

 

GRIND STILL STRIPPING
Well, since you’re with Honey, I wouldn’t get financially comfortable doing something else for a living now. Or ever. Perhaps you could learn to quilt instead. Just a suggestion. You wouldn’t even have to change your name on your business cards.

 

image UNEMPLOYED
What could go wrong?

 

PREGO SELFIE THROW UP
Duck-faced HomeWrecker pregnancy selfie: the natural alternative to ipecac.

 

WORTH IT BITCH
 Glad to hear your unwarranted self esteem is so high. I hope you and yourself will be very happy together.

 

BY HIS SIDE MATH IS HARD
But hey. At least she’ll make tons of money shaking her lady-bits around and maybe I’ll finally get some child support sent to me. Get on the pole! My kids need peanut butter!

 

PRACTICALLY PERFECT LOOK ON MY FACE
Better get used to a kiss on the forehead and the words “I’m so sorry, baby’. You’ll be hearing that a lot from Honey. I wonder if Mr. Practically Perfect Nice Guy will be as charming 5 years from now when he starts to hide his cell phone? May not feel much like holding his hand then.

 

PARENTING

SAID NO CHILD

Home-wreckers: causing pain to children since…FOREVER.

 

DAUGHTERS

PARENTING WRONG

H Dubs, I noticed you tagged your daughter in this post. In the ‘we need to teach’, is this like the royal ‘we’? Because if so, ‘we’ are doing it wrong.

 

DESERVE

KIDS DESERVE

I’m going to stuff down these pesky feelings of ‘guilt’, and remember that I deserve for my affair partner to move here, thousands of miles away from his children. I DESERVE IT, RIGHT?!

 

DEADBEAT

REAL DAD

So I guess using her own logic, HomeWrecker’s the deadbeat keeping Honey away from his kids. Thanks for the clarification, HW.

 

BABY DADDY

HYPO

Honey’s unpaid Child Support Balance: $21,980. In related news, the kids and I ate toast for dinner.

 

RING

NO SUPPORT

It’s just lovely! It looks like at least several months-worth of food and shelter for Little Man and Baby Girl. He must really love you a lot to care so little about his kids. Lucky girl!

 

INTEGRITY

TRIED

I think you have that backwards. Integrity is that thing you tell everyone you have when they ARE looking. Home-wrecking is that thing you do when they AREN’T looking. But at least you tried.

 

BETRAYAL

DIVORCE BOY

So true. And yet, betrayal becomes nothing more than a regrettable action in the ongoing saga of the love-meant-to-be-since-the-dawn-of-time. You did what you HAD to do in the face of true love! We simpletons just wouldn’t understand.

 

DOLLAR

OMG ME TOO.jpg

Such a small world…

 

UGLY HEART

evil

I’m not saying that you’re full-blown EVIL, HomeWrecker, but…ok, wait. I think I am saying that.

 

SIT BACK

dark to light

Totally! So relieved to hear we’re in agreement about something for once. I have an idea. Even though you and I are rooting for opposing teams, we could get some popcorn and foam hats and sit together in the stands while we wait for Karma to make her debut. See you there, HomeWrecker…can’t wait to find out which version of the truth wins!

 

13 thoughts on “Tit for Tat

  1. Wife, I just love you! You are hilarious and I love reading your posts. Naturally, I have a few comments.

    1. She also has no idea how to properly use an apostrophe. I’am? Really? While it grates on my nerves I can understand people mixing up your and you’re. But I’am? That’s like second grade material. This word/contraction does not exist!
    2. I literally LOL’d at the “Shout out to all the men who stay honest, remain true blah blah blah”. Seriously. Even before I saw your meme with the double face palm. *That* was perfection.
    3. Why the hell is she trolling a site called “I Am Fed Up With Your Lies & Cheating”?
    4. The irony in all the bullshit she posts is… well, ironic. My eyes are rolling so far back in my head I can see my past lives.
    5. Is she posting all this crap for you or is she naturally this stupid?
    6. The one about the hardest part of being a parent is watching your kids suffer and not being able to do anything about it makes me want to grab her and shake her until her brain pops out of her narcissistic head! Again, is she really this stupid? Doesn’t understand the concept of irony? Has no empathy or understanding for others? All of the above?
    7. It’s like my daughter has said about her father’s whore and her ramblings on FB, “It’s like she wants a Twitter account but she’s not sure how to operate one.”

    This is comedy gold, Wife! I know I’ve been one of those who has told you to stop looking and to put her out of your mind because it’s obvious she posts a lot of this to get to you. Anyone who didn’t want her behavior monitored would make her FB page private. But, I think it’s pretty smart that you periodically check because like you said, you now have a lot of ammunition in any further child support case you might pursue. I am glad to hear, though, that you don’t feel the need to check as often. These people are poison. True evil, just like you posted above.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha! Love this breakdown. Responses to your responses:
      1. What I find even more amazing is that not one teacher in her life ever stopped her or intervened? Corrected her? Told her she couldn’t go on to the next grade until she stopped that crap? Lovingly slapped the pencil out of her hand? Not ONE teacher?
      2. There are around a dozen more she’s posted with the same basic message bashing cheaters and praising the faithful. The kicker? Both Pop AND Honey would click ‘Like’ on that crap. And here’s me, in my freshly chumped state, thinking I’m literally going out of my mind. These people replaced me in a blink, thought nothing of it, and then immediately acted like what happened had never happened. Talk about mind-effery!!
      3. She was cheated on by a fiance in 2013, and she broke up with him. So yes, she hates cheaters…cheaters that cheat on HER.
      4. This irony is why I had to collect and display this garbage. It helps me confirm that I’m not insane.
      5. It’s all natural, baby.
      6. Both.
      7. HAAAAA!! Yes!! Twitter would confound her.

      Thanks, Spaghettisam!

      Like

  2. Thank you! 😀 So Funny!

    …neither of them deserve your concern though. Truly they are juvenile at best. Playin house with real children’s lives…shame on both of them. The children deserve better than these idiots.

    I’m scratchin my head wonderin if homewrecker has an actual brain…? Seriously…’low functioning’ comes to mind…she needs a tutor not a suitor. It’s almost not fair due to her obvious lack of education?, intelligence?, morals?, all of the above?

    The future discard will probably produce headlines…’Honey found on road dead…tire tracks on his head’

    …ugly!

    😀 Here’s to wishin you a wonderful, joy filled day Honeyandthehomewrecker! Go on with your bad self!

    Jeep 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re awesome, Jeep! A tutor not a suitor…ha ha!!! Genius. It’s ok, though. Whatever HomeWrecker lacks in smarts she more than makes up for in lead-pipe cruelty. Honey’d better have a good exit strategy if that discard day ever comes. I’m hoping they stay together, though. It’d create a crappy human vortex, forever sucking the life out of each other (consequentially leaving us alone to get on with our lives). Dare to dream! Hugs, Jeep!

      Like

  3. I read some of those as he is cheating on her (or she suspects he is) and/or he is living up to her expectations. They must have a great homelife.

    At what point does your state start penalizing Honey with things like loss of his drivers license or better yet arrest?

    Also, was his tax refund garnished for you?

    Like

    • It rather looks like that, doesn’t it? I don’t know for sure if he’s at it again or not. He recently had to travel for work (a job he lost after only 4 weeks) and she went with him. Stayed in the dank motel room with their new baby while he worked the night shift at a petroleum plant. I guess she’s learned early that allowing him to go on the road without her is…unwise.

      I just went to court for the second time last week for child support arrears and enforcement. The judge was less than impressed with Honey’s nuanced speeches about how he’s really trying. She’s heard and seen it all before. She doesn’t want to go there with the heavy hand yet, because then no one wins. If he’s in jail there’s no income. Yet, she knows he’s all talk because for the second time, he’s come to court (by phone) with zero documents. Yet twice now I’ve gotten a sitter, hauled myself downtown with all of my documents, paid $20 to park my car, and sashayed my ass through every hoop and hurdle and line and waiting room just to hear Honey (by loudspeaker in the courtroom) attempt to justify why he’s not provided the court with an income schedule, proof of job contacts, or even a motion to revise support. He literally just wanders through life like that, incapable of adulting for himself (which is why I always did it for him, thinking that made me a good wife). So it got continued AGAIN to August.

      But the saving grace of feeling my butt go numb on a rock hard wooden bench for 3 hours was the revelation that Child Support snatched his tax return. I was floored! I had no idea. It’s now on hold for 6 months, but get this: they are going to ask HomeWrecker to sign a release to me so I don’t have to wait. Ha! Hey, your spouse’s idiocy caused your joint return to go to his ex-wife and not you. Can you sign this form to make sure she gets it FASTER? You know THAT had to be a fun night at home with H Dubs.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. That is awesome about his tax return. I bet she can’t believe it.
    I get that no one wins if he in jail, but the threat of real consequences might get him off his ass (or get her on his ass).
    Have you filed for benefits? If you are eligible, you should. They too will go after the deadbeat to be reimbursed.

    Is he still calling twice a week? how are your kids?

    Did you get a new shade structure? Remember, we were serious about a go fund me to help you get one….

    Liked by 1 person

    • We’re at once a week for Skype. He’s all sugar and sparkles, and the kids almost completely ignore him. I feel torn. I want to teach them to be respectful of people, especially those on a phone call/Skype, but I can’t seem to find the words to instruct them not to ignore him. I probably should, but I just CAN’T….
      Thanks for asking! Kids are amazing. And thanks so much for offering about the shade structure!! We are covered though. I McGyver’d the old tarp cover, some grommets, some rope, a paperclip, two double A batteries, and the tears of my enemies into a new shade out there. Actually, just those first three things seemed to do the trick.

      Like

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