ID: Hey, Ego.
EGO: Yah, ID?
ID: Check this out. (motions towards the cop show starting on the TV)
TONIGHT, LIFETIME TELEVISION FOR WOMEN PRESENTS THE ALL NEW MADE FOR TV SERIES, ‘SECOND CHANCES’….
STARRING ANDREA ELSON AS ‘SAMANTHA CHANCE’…
SUPEREGO: Hey, wasn’t that the little girl from Alf?
AND LUKE PERRY AS ‘JONATHON SECOND’…
EGO: Oh, no. I think I can see where this is headed.
CAN THIS SCORNED SINGLE MOM AND BITTER SOLO DAD PUT ASIDE THEIR DIFFERENCES TO CRACK THE CASE? WILL THEIR PASSION FOR JUSTICE TURN INTO A PASSION THAT NEITHER BELIEVED WAS POSSIBLE?
‘I’ve been burned before, Jonathon!’
‘It’s alright, Samantha. You can trust me. Take my hand. 1,2,3…juuummmppp!!’
(both jump from a moving vehicle which then explodes into a towering fireball)
CAN JONATHON SECOND AND SAMANTHA CHANCE LEAVE THE PAIN OF THE PAST BEHIND AND BELIEVE IN…
EGO: Wait for it…
EGO: (making retching noises) So ridiculous. Why does it have to be so damned contrived? Anyway, why is wife watching this drivel? Did you put her up to this, ID?
ID: Obviously. Because unlike you, Ego, and the twisted doomsday scenario you’ve got planned for all of us, I believe that love IS possible again. I believe in second chances, and if anyone deserves one, it’s Wife.
EGO: Oh, sure. I believe in second chances, too. After all, you got one. Wife took pity on you and couldn’t go through with letting me string you up or drown you in the kiddy pool. Poor thing tried and tried, but she lacks that killer instinct. Pity.
ID: For your information, egomaniac, the reason she couldn’t let you ‘off’ me is because somewhere deep down, she just can’t bear to kill the possibility of love. She may not have much hope, but she knows killing me would spin the dial on the safe, weld the door shut, and throw it into the Pacific. She had to leave that glimmer alive, no matter how small. She denies it, but I know it’s true.
EGO: Oh, please. I think I know her pretty well too, ID, and I don’t think that’s why she spared you. I just think she’s afraid of what your absence would mean, like she would immediately feel dead inside and want to adopt, like, 17 cats.
SUPEREGO: For your information, you’re both wrong. If shes’s held on, it’s only because she hasn’t wanted to face the prospect of never having that one person in her life who cares if she makes it home safely at night. The person she can stand in the kitchen with and laugh about her day over a plate of rolled tacos. She can’t bear the thought of never having a spouse, and getting to BE a spouse, because she was fulfilled by that. Because she was good at that. But the reality is, she is alone, and based on the level of heart-mind-soul destruction she’s dealing with, it’s no wonder at all to me why she’s chosen permanent celibacy.
ID: (interrupting) Uhhh, hold the phone a minute there, SuperEgo. Celibacy? Let’s not go throwing the ole ‘c’ word around, ok? We’re not doing that. She’s not doing that. That’s not happening.
SUPEREGO: No, ID, it is. Permanent celibacy is what she’s chosen, and I agree with it 100%. It’s a perfectly reasonable and moral choice for many…
ID: (interrupting, whispering) I hate you so much right now.
EGO: Finally! Thank God. She must have read my actuarial tables.
SUPEREGO: ID, this IS what wife wants, and like it or not, that is in line with our belief system. It was my idea, actually. Whether God sends someone her way or not, she’s not going to remain open to it. She didn’t share it with you because she didn’t want another massive internal war breaking out, given our history. So you might as well get used to the fact that we are NOT sleeping with anyone without being married to them. We are never getting married again, ergo, we are never having sex again.
EGO: (stunned) This is the proudest day of my life.
ID: (whispers) I’ll get the rope.
This has been the second installment in a series involving ID, EGO, and SUPEREGO.
To read the first episode in this series, ‘The A-Sexual A-Team’, click here.