Not even clothes.
Some very insane and blog-worthy things have happened in the past couple of months, but I’ve reached a level in dealing with this garbage I like to call ‘level ostrich’. I bury my head in the sand and pretend it’s not really happening, because acknowledging it means I have ownership of it.
How did this get to be my life? This crap was NOT in the brochure.
Here’s the most recent series of events that lead to yet another public tantrum and full-fledged meltdown by HomeWrecker on Facebook.
Honey sent me an email titled ‘reaching out’ about 6 weeks ago asking me to reduce the garnishment that FINALLY hit his paycheck after over a year of him not paying child support. The very first paycheck where that reality hit home, he sends an email asking me to ‘do the right thing’ and ‘think of the kids’ because he was not going to be able to afford a visit out here if half of his income was being taken (as though not one other financial decision he’s made has led to him not being able to visit for 3 years – it all comes down to me at this moment). It was worded respectfully, but that’s Honey for you. Yes, he is very respectful as he screws strippers and lies about it and permanently moves away from his own children. He wears a fantastically believable mask, and unless you’re looking closely, you’d never know there’s a face-hugging alien spawn in lieu of a heart and soul under there.
I thought very long and hard about my response. I considered ignoring him as he ignored his kid’s needs for over a year, but realized that would not do. I composed a response that was as to-the-point as I’m able to be. I do love me some wordz.
My sister called me right around that time to tell me she’d seen a GoFundMe set up on HomeWrecker’s Facebook page asking for everyone to share it so she and Honey could combat the evil child support courts and visitation-blocking ex-wife who were clearly out to ruin their happy lives. His rights were being VIOLATED, yall. Her GoFundMe post coincided with that very first, very painful garnishment they will now get to enjoy for all of eternity. You owe $39,852 in child support arrears? Add the 5, carry the 2…yep. You’ll have that baby paid off by Christmas! Of 2097.
So I decided to carbon copy HomeWrecker. To that point, I’d still never had a phone conversation or email dialogue with her. Everything I’d learned about this cuckoo bird I learned from social media. I knew with certainty that in doing so I’d be on the receiving end of a tantrum, I just didn’t expect it to yet AGAIN be on Facebook.
Dear Honey (and H Dubs),
Child support as presently set is not adequate for raising two children and has been shown to be paid very infrequently. Therefore, I cannot agree to reducing it. More importantly, there is now an established history of abandoning financial obligations with no explanation about when, or if, they would ever be receiving support.
Furthermore, you presently owe your children almost $40K in back support, a portion of which comes as a direct result of you showing up to CSS court (by phone) without the documents you were instructed to complete to obtain a reduction. Had you done so, modification based on your income would likely have been completed last spring or summer, saving both of us thousands of dollars in attorney costs that neither of us had and thousands of your support dollars. Instead of showing up that third time with the right items, you sent a lawyer, and nothing got solved about support that day (or later in family court for that matter). Perhaps your wife is unaware of this fact, because it seems she continues to lay blame for your support and visitation problems on me.
Perhaps she is also unaware that after receiving no support from you of any kind and no word of when any would ever come, (and the despair that comes as a single mom getting no help and no communication from her ex) I got a sitter, drove downtown, paid $20 to park my car, sat on a bench in child support court for hours waiting for my turn, only to learn from your speakerphone appearance that you didn’t provide the required documents. Three. Separate. Times. That third time, it was literally my last $20 until I’d be getting paid 2 days later. I cried all the way as I walked into and out of court.
You might have tried to ‘reach out’ to me as a first resort rather than a last before pulling me into family court and blaming me in the order for your inability to co-parent (2,300 miles and a new family makes it impossible for you to co-parent, not anything I’ve done). However, after what I have witnessed about the children’s financial priority, and the lack of respect shown to me as the one who facilitates their care (such as in communicating nothing about when or if there would ever be any support coming), I cannot in good conscious allow them to accept less so you can have more. The court will determine any modifications based on need as proven.
And finally, ‘reaching out’ when the impact of that first official garnishment hit home tells me you only intend to do ‘reach out’ when the consequences effect you. You never once reached out to find out what the consequences were of denying your 3 and 5 year old rent and food money for months on end. You didn’t reach out to find out the result of that even once. Nor did you ask me if there was some small need that you could meet for them (groceries, shoes, gymnastics class) even though you would not be able to meet the larger need of the $**** a month. There’s a very large gap between $**** and $0. Had you shown some care, or offered any help, it would have demonstrated your concern that their needs are being met. The zero tells me a lot and is frankly very disturbing, especially learning in family court that you DID have quite a bit of employment last year…but didn’t report it to CSS (that I know of) and jobs weren’t long enough to be garnished…and still chose to send them $0. When left to your own accord (rather than forcing a court to take it), you have shown you are fine with them receiving nothing.
I am a student getting my degree and working toward a career that can hopefully begin once both kids are old enough to be in school next year and I can use the ESS services provided. Life will change financially for all of us when that day comes. As of now, a 4 year old who isn’t in school must be with me 24/7 or be placed in daycare, which I can’t afford. I have to take Little Man to school every day at 8 and get him at 2:20. I have no co-parent to assist with any of this, because you moved away. Therefore, your support dollars are meant to see the kids through this time until life gets a bit easier. I work one day a week because my mom’s back can’t handle more than that while I do their office work. Please tell me where else I’m supposed to work where I can take my 4 year old and also leave to get my son in the middle of the day.
As an aside, it is interesting the “spin” you have at the end of this request. Somehow you think that what is “best for Little Man and Baby Girl” is for you to pay less money for their support and care? The kids have experienced the zero from you in both time and dollars, and with regard to that, I agree that it is NOT what has been best for them.
Just a recommendation here (though this has nothing to do with my decision) but maybe don’t ask someone for help the same day you insult them on gofundme. I have no doubt that due to my refusal to modify, I’ll be an even bigger villain in the preposterous visitation-blocking narrative your wife is spouting, but I am not concerned with her opinion because I know it’s based on false information she’s been fed. It’s not her fault. You are wrong about some intent on my part to block co-parenting, and you know it. I have made it abundantly clear you can visit any time you wish, and call on the phone (outside of Skypes) any time you wish. I can count on one hand the amount of times you have done either in 3 years, even when you were making great money.
The battle she promises? The fight that is ‘far from over’? She’s been duped into thinking I’m the opponent. I’m not. The circumstances you’ve created with your own free will are her opponent, not me. Your fight isn’t with me, H Dubs.
The kids come first. Believe it or not, I’m sorry you find yourself in a financial pinch when there are children looking to you for their every need. Believe me, I know very, very well what that feels like.
HomeWrecker responded. Here is her email. Approximately 2 hours after this, she and several of her extremely classy family members went on FaceBook and called me a ‘slut bitch’, a greedy whore, and a litany of other delightful titles that I would love nothing more than to stitch on the back of my ‘Betrayed Wives Club’ jacket. It’s Member’s Only!
Am I utterly in shock over some things you’ve said …. Yes I know he has fallen short of paying … this was due to Honey not paying as well as this year with lawyer telling us not too … you will once again receive the taxes for last year in hopes of the amount of **** … I’m not asking that you would reduce support to benefit him .. your kids come first above all / I’m trying to just find a balance of support /to where he is able to pay regularly/catch up and most importantly visit the kids as much as possible …i don’t want to be an enemy but I forever will be in your eyes , and I don’t blame you one bit / I have been there with my kids dad , I’m only hoping that one day the visits and support can be accommodated so that Honey can visit often , as much as you may think not paying support and not seeing his kids doesn’t bother him … you are wrong, I’m only going on what Honey has relayed to me , he wants to be there …. financially it is just as strained here as it is for you, I know he owes a huge amount in support he will always owe that we are only trying to find a mutual agreement to get that paid up and continue support without interruption and visits with him as much as possible…. the go fund me wasn’t directed towards you but the situation that we are in ..
And … I’m trying my best to stay out of this … it’s between you and Honey as not to cause issues… but if you lived anywhere but ******* child support would not be $**** a month. I have child support from Two Dads that doesn’t even equal clothes to the amount of support that you get or supposed to get every month on that alone there is no way the mat can save up the amount to come visit the kids we are trying our damnedest to see the kids, if you believe me then you believe me if you don’t then you don’t I am stuck in the middle of this and I’m just trying to find some common ground.
I never replied, but if I did I think this would warrant a DIRECTOR’S CUT!
Your emails to me were bordering on sane. Your public tantrum less than 2 hours later on a social network that can be viewed by millions of people was not. However, despite your clear need for spell-check software and an extensive mental health evaluation, I will say this. You’re right about ******* being expensive. Tell you what. Next time you get betrayed and suddenly abandoned with 2 babies in diapers and have to run heartbroken to the only place where there’s any family that can help you, I’ll get to tell you where you should have moved because it would’ve been better for me in some way. That way, we can both have a turn being insensitive assholes.
If by ‘find some common ground’ you mean waiting 114 minutes from the moment you wrote this to calling me a ‘money grubbing whore’ on Facebook, then…common ground attained!
And, if by ‘stuck in the middle of this’ you mean ‘repeatedly inserted myself into a marriage I had no business interfering in, then getting all squidgy when I have to actually address the ex-wife I screwed over’, then…hoorah! Now we’re cooking with gas.
And lastly, if by ‘doesn’t even equal clothes to the amount of support’ you meant ‘I took my clothes off and now you’ll get half my new husband’s paycheck as support’, then…spell check be damned! You know what? You’re cute as a button. Gonna bake you a cake with squiggly icing letters that say ‘at least you tried’.
Did you make ‘Two Dads’ uppercase for any particular reason? No? Just shooting that grammar gun into the dark again? Enjoy your cake.
Tantrum to follow in a future blog (for dissection and hilarity, of course). Why? My life has been hijacked by a tacky reality show. This is how I cope with that.
And just in case you missed it, Dear Readers, she just admitted that she’d been on the receiving end of betrayal…and knowingly heaped that mountain of pain on another woman and family. I. Can’t. There are no words.
Ever experienced any of this insanity? Love to hear about it in the comments below.